so what's the big secret?

I know there must be some big secret that people aren't telling me. 

When I talk to other moms of 6 and 7-month-olds they tell me that it is the best stage ever. Their babies are blissfully happy, able to entertain themselves and sleeping better than ever. These are the women who bring their little angels with them everywhere they go, proudly showcasing their adorable goos and gaas and giggles for all the world to see.

I am not one of these mothers. And Avery is not one of these babies. Not anymore anyway.

We used to go places. We really did. But these days, even the grocery store is too difficult to manage. She's either in desperate need of a nap, she has a poop in her diaper or she's hungry. Have you ever tried feeding a baby with one arm, grabbing groceries with your other arm and pushing a shopping cart with your hip? I have. And it isn't very fun.  

And I know I've mentioned the car before. She just doesn't like it. You might even go so far to say that she hates it. Some might even call her a car screamer. I don't need to go into more detail than that. You get the picture. It isn't pretty.

The stroller is the same way. If I plan it right and she's tired and the stars are all aligned, she'll sleep. But if she wants to play, then she wants to play. And she doesn't want to be strapped into anything. We've had some pretty embarrassing moments in the neighborhood. What kind of baby screams bloody murder in the stroller?!?!?!

My kind apparently.

I love Avery to the moon and back. But I'll be honest. She isn't easy. Not anymore. Her sweet little giggles still completely light up my life, but they seem to be few and far between these days. They've been replaced with constant fussies.  She whines for my undivided attention every single second of the day. And I swear to you, she is crappiest napper in the history of all babykind.

None of this is her fault. It is all mine. She is just a baby. She only knows what she's been taught and what she's been given. And clearly I'm doing it all wrong. 

HELLO...can somebody please tell me the big secret?!?!!?

I don't feel resentful. I'm not jealous of these other moms. And I really do love my daughter more than anything. But I just feel delinquent (and utterly exhausted of course). Day after day, I try and I try. I put my whole heart and soul into it. But no matter what I do, I just can't seem to make my baby happy. Some days I'm convinced that she actually hates me.

I have no idea what on earth God was thinking by giving me another one. I hope he knows what he's doing.

Because I sure don't.