kissing the baby

only fussy because she REALLY wanted the video camera. But still, what a sweet big sister!

Dear Avery -- 9 months old

Dear Avery,

To my beautiful little girl girl -- I know it doesn't seem possible but I still fall more in love with you every single day. 

I brought you to the beach today. It was Nannie's 85th birthday. Daddy is sick so he stayed home. It was just me and you. And let me tell you, it was a near perfect day. 

I was a little worried about the hour long drive since we all know you're not a big fan of the car. But guess what? You slept like a perfect little angel -- both ways! Mommy remembered your lovey this time and as soon as you had that in your hands you were out. There were NO tears at all.

The weather wasn't great but you didn't care. I didn't care either. You loved the sand, loved the waves, loved the fresh cool ocean breeze and loved all the sounds and smells of the ocean. You loved all the things that I love. And of course you loved playing with your cousins all day. I think you made Nannie's whole birthday. You made my whole day too. 

I just put you to bed. After you finished your bottle you lied there on my chest cuddling into me like you always do. I love when you do that -- looking up at me with your big beautiful eyes, hanging on my every word. I told you tonight how proud I am of you, how proud I am to be your mother. I love you so much.

Love,

Mommy

Happy Father's Day

learning to walk

19-week ultrasound

I remember this same monumental milestone just a little over a year ago. Last time I couldn't sleep. I was too excited and was up at the crack of dawn. This time I was up at the crack of dawn too, but only because I had to shower, get Avery and I both dressed and fed, pack the diaper bag, load Avery into the car and make it to the appointment on time. 

Last time my husband and I enjoyed the drive, talking about how excited we were to see our baby. This time we had to drive separately. I went the long way to give Avery plenty of time to nap in the car. Only she didn't nap. She screamed instead. I pulled over 6 different times to stick the pacifier back in, praying all the while that she would just fall asleep. My prayers were answered...six minutes before we got there. Of course.

Last time my husband stood next to me, holding my hand, both of us eyes glued to the screen. The room was silent as we watched our baby in complete awe. This time my husband held Avery and did everything under the sun to entertain her, including lots of dancing and bouncing. I had to ask him to move a few times because he was blocking my view. I could barely hear what the technician was saying because the room was filled with Avery's babbles and shrieks.

Last time I excitedly called all my family on the ride home and shared the wonderful news of our healthy baby. This time I set my ipod on repeat as loud as it would go to "hot, hot hot" to try to calm my screaming baby (or at least drown out the sound) and made the 45-minute drive in less than 35 minutes. I told myself that if I got pulled over for speeding, at least I'd have a safe person to hand Avery over to. And I'd tell him that she comes with a free ipod set on repeat to "hot hot hot".

Last time I came home and dreamed about being a mother. I had never been so excited and couldn't stop smiling. This time I came home and sobbed, wondering how on earth I'm ever going to be able to handle two when I clearly can't even handle one.

There was only one part of today that was the same as last year. When the technician asked the big question, "do you want to know the sex?" we said no. Last time I was tempted. This time I really wasn't. Despite all of the challenges my little girl brings me every day, that beautiful moment of "it's a girl" in the delivery room was hands-down the most incredible one of my entire life. I can't wait to have that again, although, "it's a boy" would be just as wonderful. 

And for the record, I've been calling girl all along but last night I dreamed it was a boy. He was 6lbs 8oz at birth and had lots of thick blonde hair as a toddler. He was cute as can be. I guess we'll find out in about 4-5 months!