harder or easier than I expected?

I'd say 2 under 2 has moments of being really easy and moments of being really hard. When everyone is fed and changed and happy then I take a deep breath and look at my beautiful children and say, "wow this is great!" Then 2 minutes later everyone is crying and they are both hungry at once and both have poops in their diapers and groceries that need to be put away and the phone is ringing off the hook and I have to pee and I think, "oh my god, are you joking?!" But the good moments definitely outweigh the challenging ones. I wouldn't trade my life right now for anything.

I think the end of my pregnancy was actually harder than it is right now. I was so big and uncomfortable and it was really hard for me to take care of and play with Avery. And I had so much anxiety about all the unknowns.

Nothing is as scary as I thought it would be. Overall I'd say that I am loving my new life and when things get stressful I just pour myself another cup of coffee or another cup of wine, depending on the time of day.

how to take them to the doctor's today???

We have an appt to re-check Avery's ear this morning. I'm glad because the poor thing just came off antibiotics and is sick again!!! Anyway I'm on my own here so will have to take both kids myself. Should I:

a. Avery in the maclaren, Ty in the ergo -- if Avery gets upset (which she often does at the doctors) it might be hard for me to hold her if he is on my chest
b. Ty in the snap&go, Avery holding my hand & carry her if she runs off -- she definitely might run off
c. double stroller -- pain to get in and out of the car, will take up the whole examining room

These are the kind of logistics that are hard to figure out with 2 under 2!!

ugh and here is my next dilemma -- he is due to eat at some point around our appt time. I could either wake him and feed him right now before we leave or hope for the best and try to get home before he gets hungry. I think it will be hard to feed him there if Avery is screaming adn throwing a tantrum.

2 hours later...

Well, I went with the snap-n-go. I realized I wasn't going to have time to feed him before I left so we just left a little early instead. That gave me just enough time to feed him in the waiting room. Unfortunately he ate too fast and then threw up all over himself and me. Some dumb guy in the waiting room kept telling me what a spitty baby I have.

Avery did fine until I had the nurse look at her diaper rash and she thought she was getting a shot. She freaked out and didn't stop freaking out until we got in the car so I ended up having to carry her out of there. Ty was screaming too. Big old screamfest. And she did take off in the parking lot as predicted.

Oh well, it's done and we all survived. Is it too early for my glass of wine?

a day in the life

I am on my own tonight. Bedtime was challenging. I put Ty in the bassinet and wheeled him from the bathroom for Avery's bath to the nursery to get her in her jammies. He started crying so I tried putting him in his crib instead and was trying to get him to take the paci. Then I realized I had left Avery on the changing table alone!!!! OMG I have NEVER done that before. I feel like the worst mom ever. Thank GOD she was so concerned about her brother that she stayed totally still. Usually I am wrestling her while she is trying to climb or roll off. I don't know what I would have done if she had fallen off the changing table.

This is the second huge safety mistake I've made since Ty was born. The first was when I left the gate open at the top of the stairs and Avery climbed half-way down on her own. I don't know what my problem is (sleep-deprivation maybe??) but it really needs to stop.

This is the first time I've sat still all day long. Both babies are sleeping and everyone survived the day. I am having wine and cookie dough for dinner. I feel like I deserve it today.

Dear Tyler -- 9 days old

Dear Tyler,

You are 9 days old today. You are the most beautiful, sweetest, most cuddliest little boy I have ever known. I fall more in love with you every minute. I apologize in advance if this letter turns out to be short. I've been writing it to you in my head for a few days now. But life with two babies is busy and your mama is one tired lady.

So I'll just tell you about my favorite part of the day. Naptime. Your sister has been napping better than ever since we brought you home (thanks to bribery and dairy-free cookies.) And her naptime is our naptime. I get you undressed to your diaper, lie you on my chest and wrap you up in my bathrobe. I put my hand against your back and plant little kisses on your tiny face. You love the warmth of me. We get comfy on the couch together and turn out the lights and just hang out. It is the one time of the day that I stop everything. I don't answer the phone or the door. I don't do dishes or laundry or dust. I don't get out my computer. We just spend time being together. I love watching your tiny little arm stretched out across me. I love your funny little expressions while you sleep. And I love listening to you breathe. There is nothing better.

When I was pregnant with you, I was scared. Not scared of losing you like I was with your sister. I was scared of having you. I didn't know how I would ever manage life with two babies. How would I take care of you both? Feed you both? Love you both? I was sure I would lose myself in the process.

Well little man, you've surprised me. None of those things turned out to be scary at all. No, sweetie, they've been wonderful. I never knew how much I wanted you until you got here. And now I couldn't imagine life without you. You have given me a whole new perspective. You have taught me to slow down and enjoy the moment. You have reminded me how to take one day at a time. You have forced me to breathe.

You are one special little boy. I love you so much.

Love,

Mommy

checking in

Avery is doing amazing with the transition. She just loves her new baby. Yesterday he was crying and she ran to get him her dolly bottle. It was so cute. My mother-in-law and I took her for her first haircut yesterday as something special to do as a big girl. Something about having a new baby made me suddenly ready for this 1st haircut I've been putting off. It was so much fun! The boys stayed home and watched football. I think Phil loves having a son. It melts my heart. And I do too. I never knew how much I wanted a little boy until I had one. I am so in love.

Home Sweet Home!

Eveything is going great! Sweet little Tyler has pretty much just slept and made cute faces. Barely a fuss all day long. He is doing ver well on the formula and I don't think he has the same milk allergy that Avery did. He even had his first real poop!

Avery is very happy to have us home and is very excited about the "baba". She even learned how to say Ty. She was VERY excited about finally putting a real baby in the swing and was jumping up and down and clapping. She's still not feeling too great but she's hanging in there.

My in-laws have been so great. They've done all the cooking/cleaning/laundry/groceries/etc. And I am doing pretty good. Would love some time to sit here and catch up with all of you but I'll have to wait for my in-laws to leave for that I think. Still really tired and a little emotional and on edge but not too bad. Tyler and I took a wonderful nap together this afternoon -- I just love snuggling with my little man. And I am on my second glass of wine!

the night Tyler was born

introducing Tyler Jacob

IT'S A BOY!!!!!

Welcome my beautiful boy Tyler Jacob!!! November 4, 2009, 12:48am, 8lbs 5oz 21 inches

On Tuesday morning I took Avery to a sing-along at the library and then to the park with a friend. It was a very normal day. I had given up on trying to get this baby to come and accepted that I would just be pregnant forever.

By the time I got home from the park and fed Avery lunch I started to feel really crampy. Around 2:00 I was changing her diaper and had to call for Phil because the contraction was hard enough that I couldn't stand up at the changing table. I knew this was something -- finally!

I still didn't want to call our "people" because I was so worried it was false labor. My sister-in-law finally came at 4:00 to pick up Avery, and Phil and I cleaned up the house and got everything ready. I tried to relax but the contractions picked up and we decided it was time to go!

The car ride wasn't so bad. The contractions were coming 5 minutes apart. It was a beautiful clear night with a near full moon. I wanted to remember everything and made Phil pull over and take a picture!

Got to the hospital around 6:30 and was very pleased to find out I was 4-6cm considering my cervix was still closed as of Monday. From then until midnight my labor was wonderful. I actually really enjoyed it and kept saying how much easier it was than Avery's labor. I spent a lot of time in the tub and it was like being at a spa. I loved it. The contractions were painful but nothing I couldn't handle. I never got the epi. Phil was an awesome coach and reminded me through every contraction that I was doing a great job and it would be over soon.

My midwife checked me again at 12:30 and I was a 7. This is when things got crazy. My water broke and then everything just started happening SO FAST. I went from a 7 to a 10 in less than 15 minutes. The contractions were right on top of each other and I thought I was going to die. Lots of screaming. Then I had the sudden urge to push and nobody was ready. They kept telling me to wait but I couldn't help it. Three pushes later he was born!!! This was at 12:48am.

The cord was wrapped tightly around his neck and he was blue and not crying. I swear he opened his eyes and looked at me though so I never felt scared. I knew he was going to be ok. They had to take him away (just to the other side of the room -- I could still see him) and I still didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. I thought I saw a little "pecker" (as my grandma would say) as they took him away. And then Phil yelled, "It's a boy!!!" That moment was so incredible. Everyone in the room stayed very calm so I had no idea what was going on. Phil saw everything though and was scared to death.

Anyway little Tyler is perfectly fine now. He is sleeping away so peacefully. He has a full head of dark hair and looks so much like Avery did as a newborn. I am so in love all over again. Avery is coming to visit around 11 and I am so excited for her to meet her baby brother!!!