I've learned this lesson now loud and clear. I had been expecting too much from Avery -- expecting her to nap the "right" way when I had never taught her the "right" way. People told me she's start stretching her naps once we started solids. Nope. Then they told me she'd do it once she started crawling. Nope. Everyone convinced me that she would just do this on her own. Or she'd never do it at all. And that I'd just have to accept that.
So I did accept it. I gave up. But I was still frustrated and exhausted. She was a fussy, overtired, clingy, high-maintenance baby and I was going all day with her with just a 30-minute break here and there. I loved her but I was becoming depressed. I couldn't fathom how on earth I would ever do this with a newborn added to the mix in a few months. It wasn't working for any of us.
It was a friend of a friend who finally sat me down (over the phone), told it to me straight and gave me a plan. It worked for her and it would work for me -- she promised. But I had to be committed and I had to be patient. And then this woman called me every single day and offered me a kind of support that made all the difference in the world. This stranger saved my family.
Letting her cry it out wasn't easy. There was a lot of screaming involved. Hearing my daughter scream and not rushing up the stairs to save her took a kind of strength I wasn't sure I could muster. There were a lot of tears from me too.
But I kept reminding myself over and over and over that the hardest lessons in life are often the best ones. And that it is my responsibility as her mother to also be her teacher. My husband would argue that that is our biggest responsibility. It was up to us to teach her how to soothe herself and get the rest she so desperately needs. She wasn't hurt. She wasn't in danger. She wasn't hungry. She wasn't wet. She was going to be ok.
And saving her actually meant not rushing up the stairs.
I know that CIO is not the best choice for every family. This was pretty much our last resort. But after 9 days I can tell you that it did work for us. Avery is in the middle of her morning nap right now. She woke after 45 minutes, fussed for 30 seconds, rolled over and went back to sleep. I am watching her on the video monitor right now cuddled up with her lovey, dreaming away peacefully.
With complete pride, I can tell you this was absolutely the right choice for us. She is happier, more independent, less clingy and has a new spark that I haven't seen before. She is enjoyable.
I am happier too. I have my life back. I am the one in control again. No matter what happens, I know I get my 3 hours to myself every day. I can shower, read, write, have my cup of coffee, put my feet up or do anything else I feel like doing. I wake up excited for the day instead of dreading it. All I can say is that this has changed everything.
I am so proud of my little girl. And I am so proud of myself for having the strength to give her this gift.
I don't know if I've ever commented but we too have used to CIO method and our two older girls are great sleepers and I'm convinced it's because of CIO. We just had our third child 5 weeks ago and we plan to implement it when he's old enough. (usually we wait until past 3 months or so when they can learn to self-soothe). It's going to be hard to have a two babies so young at first (our first two were 19 months apart) but once you get into a rhythm it's so worth having them so close together! Good luck and remember to enjoy each day!
ReplyDeleteI'm like the comment above, I think I found you blog on BustedBabymakers blog, but not sure. Anyway, I first wanted to say Congratz on your new addition!
ReplyDeleteI have done CIO w/ all 3 of our children. I just did it w/ our last Kaity who is almost 9 months. It is so nice to sleep through the night now! When we did it for our first son it took the weekend and it was hard on my hubby, but I knew it was the right thing to do for the baby. Everyone that I know that has done it has been successful. Its tough, no doubt, but what is a couple nights of crying worth?? I'm proud of you for sticking it out and doing this together. I am a scheduled person and I have all 3 ( 4 1/2, 2 1/2 and 9 months) of my kids down for naps at the same time each day. It is amazing! Feel free to check out our blog at www.darrahsonline.blogspot.com
Hey! I just found your blog linked through Jen's (Its Not That Bad). I love your entries-it takes me back to having my first :) I have a 5 yr. old, 3 yr. old, and am almost six months pregnant with our third.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest was the same way as a baby-clingy, whiny, high maintenence and I thought I was going to lose it. When she was six months old our pediatrician finally told me to let her CIO already! I did and it took a week-but just as you said it made our family sane again. We used it with my second child when he was three months and he has always been a great sleeper as a result. My time with my husband at night and my time to myself during my day makes me a better wife and mom. My children getting the sleep they need makes them happier and healthier. Everyone wins!!