Ok one issue at a time. The hitting. The part that stresses me most is that I honestly DO NOT know what to do when it happens. I spoke to a friend who is a child psychologist a few weeks ago and she told me I need to remove her from the situation. Well that isn't always possible. I can't just leave playgroup the minute we get there. But it's at the point now that I don't even want to go anymore. It's embarrassing. I don't want my kid to be the bully. But she is. It is a horrible, horrible feeling and it makes me so sad. I will never ever judge a parent of a "bully" again. I promise you if I knew how to stop this behavior I would in a heartbeat.
My friend said this is all related to bringing home a new baby and wanting to get my attention. The hitting only happens in front of me. She is fine if I' not there. I've been trying to give her more attention. I've been taking her to the little kid's gym at my gym every day -- just me and her. But as soon as another kid comes along she starts with the hitting/slapping and it ruins it. I tried taking her shopping with me, just the two of us. I don't even want to go there -- all I can say is NEVER AGAIN. I thought putting her in the childcare at the gym would be good for her. But she throws a tantrum every time I leave her. And then she throws another tantrum every time it's time to go. It's taken me 20 minutes to get her coat on every time. Today I literally had to wrestle her on the floor to get it on. It wasn't pretty.
Next issue -- throwing food. It's getting ridiculous. I basically have to wash my entire kitchen after every meal. We haven't even tried to teach her to use utensils yet because mealtime is so stressful already. She is horribly picky too and I feel so stressed about getting her to eat anything healthy. I feel like a failure at just about every meal. We've tried saying no. We've tried totally ignoring it. We've tried giving her a reward (cookie or jello) if she doesn't throw her food. Nothing has helped. Phil thinks we should just take the food away as soon as she starts throwing. But how can I send her to bed hungry? She is still a baby. She even threw her snack at the gym childcare today. I could tell the teachers there were appalled by her behavior. What kind of kid throws their entire snacktrap across the room?!?!
And the whining. She is 15 months going on 15 years. She's always been this way -- 12 steps ahead of herself. Here's an example. She got the little people dollhouse for Christmas. Most 15-month-olds probably aren't ready to be into dollhouse stuff. But she is SO into it. She wants to make the little people sit in their little chairs. But she doesn't have the fine motor skills yet to do it. She tries and then gets frustrated with herself. So she whines for me to do it. So I put the little people in their chairs and she tries to pick them up and they fall off their chairs. And the whining starts again. And repeat this all day long. If it isn't the little people it's putting bibs on her dolls. And then taking the bibs off. Or dressing them in her pajamas. And then undressing them. She wants the doll in the highchair. And then she wants the doll out of the highchair. It's so constant. She literally says "momma" 182 times a day. "momma, momma, momma..."
I'm sorry this got so long. As you can see I am going crazy here. I think I'd feel better about all of these issues if I had ANY CLUE as to how to deal with them. But I don't. I'm totally stuck and totally exhausted. I just want to raise a kind, well-behaved little girl and I feel like I am failing miserably.
Thank the GOOD LORD that Tyler is so far totally easy and mellow. Fingers and toes crossed that he stays that way because I might go off the deep end if he doesn't.
They really all sound like phases to me. Just be consistent with how you want to deal with it. When she hits tell her it's not nice and we don't hit and then re-direct her. you don't have to leave the place you're at. When she throws her food it's all normal. You just need to re-direct her. Ask her not to throw her food and then clean it up. I know that having two that young can be very stressful (my first two were 19 months apart and we have 3 under 4). It is crazy here sometimes too. It WILL pass if you are consistent with how you want to deal with it. eventually she will realize she isn't getting EXTRA attention when she behaves negatively. I would try giving her a utensil at meal time. Just to have it. We do that with our almost 9 month old sometimes. Give him a baby spoon. He chews on it in between bites of table food. Keeps him content and he doesn't throw his food of his tray. The whining is normal. Just try to get her to use the words she needs to express what she wants adn then the whining will eventually decrease when she can verablize things more. She's whining because it's her way she is choosing to communicate. If she's consistently given the words she will stop. I remember when our oldest started grunting a lot to get things (she was probably around Avery's age). In that case ever time she grunted and I knew what she wanted (she typically would point too) I would say the word of what she wanted and try to get her to repeat it to me and eventually she learned the word and stopped grunting. I hope some of it helps. All of what you have going on is normal. It will pass. Just be consistent and patient. You don't have to isolate yourself. Lots of kids hit. It's a normal developmental thing that could happen. It does not make her a bully. =) Good luck!
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