Dear Tyler -- 5 years old

Dear Tyler,

You turned 5 last week. You didn't want a big party like your sister. All you wanted was one friend, some cake and lots of presents, ha! Daddy took you and Hunter to Launch and the three of you jumped your little hearts out. You had a blast. Between me and Daddy, Nana & Papa, Nana Pat & Poppy and Grammie & Zayde, you got more toys than any little boy could ever need. And omigosh do you love your toys!!!

A few weeks ago a friend of mine from high school was struck with an unimaginable tragedy. She lost her little boy. He was running across the street and was hit by a car. One minute they were playing together. And the next he was gone. He died right there in her arms. He was five...like you.

It shocked me to my core. Life is so precious. You are so precious. Sometimes I need to stop and take you in. When you beg me to lay down and "sleep" with you for a few minutes before bed...when you reach for my hand while we're taking a walk...when we go for a bike ride together and you show me your tricks, your little face full of pure joy...when I pick you up from preschool and you run full-speed into my arms...when you look me straight in the eye and say, "Aw I love you mama."

I cherish these moments...every single one of them. I know they won't last forever. There will come a day when you no longer want me to cuddle you in your bed, when holding my hand will be unbearably embarrassing, when you head out for a bike ride with your friends and not your mother. I know I will look back on this beautiful 5-year-old version of you (tantrums in Target's toy aisle included) and long to go back in time. And of course it will be impossible.

So in the meantime I will do my best to appreciate the now...to cherish the now. It's all we really have.

Yesterday was an ordinary day. It was Monday so you and I both had the day off. We went to the gym and then your regular swim in the pool afterwards (my bribe to you for suffering through child watch so that I can exercise.)  It was a beautiful fall day. After lunch we headed out to the backyard to the giant leaf pile that Daddy had raked up for you and Avery over the weekend. "Mommy, will you jump with me?" I have to be honest. The idea of covering myself with old leaves -- and all the dirt, twigs and bugs that were hidden within  them -- didn't thrill me. But I knew it would thrill you. So I did what I had to do. I jumped right in. And I lost myself in the moment. We both squealed with delight, tossing up the leaves over our heads and enjoying every second of it, pausing only to take this selfie.

It was an ordinary moment on an ordinary day. But i's the string of these ordinary moments that create our extraordinary love.

Today you are sick with a fever. You are lying next to me on the couch as I type this, your head on my shoulder. I can feel your little heart beating and the heat of your fever radiating through your spiderman pajamas. I am your cozy spot. I don't want to be anywhere else in the world.

It is another ordinary moment on an ordinary day...one far too ordinary to even put to memory. But this moment is so completely full of love. They all are.

I am so lucky to be your mother. Happy Birthday sweet boy.

Love,
Mom