You're not actually 6 yet. You have 6 more days to go. But it's very rare these days that I have a minute to myself so I figured I'd be productive with it. If I don't start this now there's a chance I never will. And your 6th birthday will pass us by just like the thousands of other moments that have. I feel like I blinked and you're turning six. I'm afraid if I blink again you'll be 16.
You and your brother are off at Hunter's house having a playdate. You've known Hunter since the day he was born. Your first date was at about one month old. And now he is your buddy. It truly melts my heart.
You started kindergarten a few weeks ago. You were SO ready...not a scared or worried bone in your little body. Before I had you I was a kindergarten teacher for many years so I've seen those parents every year. You know the ones -- who cry their heart out on the first day of school. I never in a million years thought it would happen to me. You were ready. I was ready. But as you climbed up on that huge yellow school bus and I watched it carry you away with it, my eyes filled and suddenly I was sobbing. Yup, turns out I'm one of them.
It wasn't that I was worried about you, or even that I'd miss you really. I just knew this was the first of many more moments that you will hop aboard that bus/car/plane/sleepover/date/party etc. and go off into the big world without me...and not even look back.
You're growing up right in front of my eyes...and there is nothing I can do to stop you.
As I predicted, I never finished writing this letter then and now it is 6 days later -- your actual birthday. It's been a good one. You sure do love being the center of attention. You woke up at the crack of dawn and immediately wanted to rush downstairs to see your presents. What you found was the most adorable little clothing rack displaying all of your little tiny American Girl Doll outfits...and your "daughters", Phoebe and Caroline, dressed up for your half-sleepover birthday party on Saturday in their new red heart pajamas. And of course matching pajamas for you. You loved everything and spent the next two hours taking every single article of clothing off of the hangers, explaining each outfit in detail to your daddy and relishing in the joy of it all.
One of the things I love most about you is that you find joy so easily. It doesn't take much to make you happy...just a little attention and a lot of love. Last weekend Grammie, Nannie and I took you to the American Girl Doll Store. We had a ball. You are well aware that Caroline and Phoebe are from Santa and not from the actual American Girl Doll Store. That didn't stop you one bit from bringing them proudly along with us to the store, sending them each to the "hair salon" for a new fancy do (and a quick trim to finish up a haircut gone wrong), window shopping at all the hundreds of dolls and accessories in the store, and never blinking an eye at the fact that your girls are different. Grammie even offered to buy you a "real" doll. But you were completely sure with your answer. "No thanks. I'm good with Phoebe and Caroline." They are your dolls, pure and simple. The name brand makes no difference to you whatsoever. They are yours and you love them...unconditionally.
A few days before our outing, Phoebe's leg broke off. Luckily I was able to stick it back into its socket. But it happened again while the lady at the store was doing her hair, and by the look on her face, I'm pretty sure the real dolls don't do that! Anyway my initial thought was maybe it's time to upgrade. But before I could even speak my thought out loud you came up with, "Oh mom, we could buy her a wheel chair!" It never crossed your innocent little mind that we would trade her in. She is yours and you love her -- just the way she is.You are so wise beyond your years and I can't even tell you how proud you make me. Dad and I have made a point to teach you compassion and authenticity. And those traits have become you. They are who you are. Don't ever forget it.
I could sit here and continue writing to you for hours. There is so much more I want to say. But it's getting late. I started working again this year and the hours keep slipping me by. And you are having 20 little girls over here Saturday night for your big party (which you have been busy planning for months!!!) and I must save my energy.
I love you so very much.
Love,
Mom
p.s. I just spent a minute reading back at what I wrote to you a year ago. Apparently you made it a few nights in your bed when you turned 5, and you did it again this summer. But you are back to the cot habit -- full and fierce. Do you think you'll still be in our room when you turn 16?!?!?
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