she did GREAT with the babysitter!

Wahooooooo!!!!! I am SOOOOOOO happy! She called mama a few times right after I left but no crying at all. I took out a few new puzzles that she hadn't seen yet right before I left. That worked well. Babysitter said she ate all her lunch, drank her whole sippy and was happy as could be the WHOLE time. I am seriously doing the happy dance right now! Plus she just went down for her nap within minutes.

you will laugh at me

So after I wrote that last post about how Avery has made no progress with the separation thing and she will probably scream for the rest of her life every time Phil gives her a bath, he comes down the stairs and says, "It went great!"

Ha! Apparently she screamed during the bath but she wasn't calling for mama. She was screaming for her lovey! I do think this is progress. Now we just need to find a waterproof lovey and we will be all set!

After he got her out of the bath and gave her lovey back she was fine. Fine for jammies, fine for the story, fine for going in her crib. Went to sleep just FINE. I never even went up to say goodnight. I was planning to but Phil said it was going so well he decided to go with it and not call me up. And all that time I was panicking that this was never going to get any better.

Well at least now we know where she gets her "drama-queening" from. LOL.

separation anxiety update

no progress. none.

Who ever knew we'd have to do CIO for BATHS?!?!?! I think I have the most stubborn baby/toddler on the planet. She wants me to bathe her and will SCREAM at the top of her lungs every single night. I don't think she is anywhere close to giving in. Thank GOD Phil is much calmer than me and doesn't get frazzled by all the screaming. I on the other hand, feel like I am going to puke.

Please somebody tell me this will only take a few more days. I can't do this every night for the rest of my life.

Tomorrow I am leaving her with the babysitter. Shoot me now if she screams like this the whole time I am gone. Crying doesn't bother me. But let me just tell you, my lovely daughter takes it to the EXTREME. And it SUCKS.

bringing Avery to the hospital?

I hadn't even considered her NOT coming but there was a big debate about this over on 2u2 yesterday. Now I'm really reconsidering. For one hospitals have a lot of germs. But that's not really the main thing.

Given her separation issues I'm worried about her seeing me and then having to leave me there. I feel like it's going to break her heart. Of course I want her to come for MY sake but is this really going to be the best thing for her? Is she too young to handle it? Also I am planning on having another natural birth but what if it doesn't turn out that way? What if I am hooked to an IV or something? I'm afraid it will really scare her. Plus I know her and she'll want to run around all over the place and I'm guessing the hospital room won't be very child-proofed.

She'll be staying at home with my in-laws and obviously they'll want to come ASAP to see the baby so I'm just not sure what to do. I certainly don't want them leaving her somewhere else so that THEY can come, you know? I want to make this transition as smooth for her as possible. I'm just not sure what to do.

Ugh, having a baby with a baby is SO much more confusing...

Avery is screaming upstairs

Can I ask for some advice on this? Our plan was to slowly phase me out. Instead of being the primary "bather" I now do all the background stuff -- running the bath, getting the washcloth, turning on the music, etc. and Phil does the actual bathing, undressing and dressing.

Then he rocks her on his lap while I read a story. She is actually ok with this part. Basically we've reversed roles. We're thinking we'll phase into him just doing everything and me staying downstairs.

But maybe it would be better if I was just out of the picture altogether??? And maybe just went up at the end to stay goodnight? Do this every night or just every few nights?? Any other ideas?

Phil is pretty ok with her screaming her head off and doesn't get too stressed about it. I, on the other hand, feel like my heart has been ripped out and that I am probably scarring her emotionally for life.

Dear Avery -- happy 1st birthday!

Dear Avery,

I'm sorry this letter is belated. I've had it written in my head now for a week but it's getting harder and harder to find the time to sit down at my computer and write. You are one busy little lady and I am one tired pregnant mama.

You are 1-year-old now. I don't know how or where the time went. But it did. You had such a wonderful birthday weekend. You woke up on the day of the your birthday all smiles and squeals. Daddy and I went to greet you and we sang you the first of many "happy birthdays". You danced and jumped up and down in your crib and sang along with us. You knew it was going to be a special day. Nana and Papa came to visit and we took you to the farm. I can't say you loved the goats (don't worry, I don't really love goats either) but you sure had a ball in the pumpkin patch. And boy did you have fun playing with your papa.

Saturday was the day of the big party. You were in your glory with all the kids running around our yard. I don't think you stopped moving the entire time. You loved every minute of it. So did I.

A year ago we brought home from the hospital this tiny, mysterious stranger. And somehow along the way you have become a little person. My best friend. My love. My daughter. Daddy and I are so proud of you. You are smart, affectionate, curious and always so independent. You can say mama, dada, nana, papa, bye-bye, pumpkin, car, and backpack. You can sing and dance and jump. I think your laugh will always be my favorite sound in the world.

Tonight I had an honest talk with you. I told you that the baby is coming. It's coming soon, sweetheart -- just four more weeks. Of course you don't know what that means. Yes, you love to kiss my belly but you have no idea what's in there. You're still a baby yourself. But I need you to understand what it doesn't mean. This baby is no replacement for you. And I will never love you any less. I will love you double.

Last week at the grocery store the cashier asked me how far apart my babies will be. When I told her 13 months she looked horrified and told me she hopes her daughter doesn't make the same mistake as me. I wanted to spit at her.

Being 8 months pregnant and taking care of you is challenging. I have days that are really, really hard -- days when I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed I can only bury my head and cry. Some days I am really terrified about adding another new life to the mix.

But let me tell you this. You are no mistake. And neither is your brother or sister. The two of you are God's greatest gifts to me. I will always cherish you. I thank my lucky stars every single day. I love you both more than you could ever know. I hope you always know that.

Love,

Mommy

35 weeks

MW couldn't feel the head and thought the baby might be breech so I had to have an u/s. I was excited about that but Avery certainly didn't enjoy sitting there in the stroller in the dark -- "mama, mama, mama, mama, mama!!!!!" Turns out the head IS down and everything looked fine.

MW was concerned about my recent throwing-up-so-sick-I'm-going-to-die episodes (last was the night of Avery's party) and I have to go back for an u/s on my gallbladder tomorrow. I also had to test my iron again today. I am terrified of having another hemmorrage after birth.

She also wasn't thrilled with the amount I've been doing lately. She said over-doing it is not going to cause PTL but she ordered me to really take time to put my feet up and rest every day. I really am trying!

She didn't see any need to check my cervix. She said it really doesn't give any information. You can be 3cm for weeks and it means nothing. Fine with me.

My appt which usually lasts 20 minutes took an hour and a half today. Poor Avery. And we have to go back again tomorrow. She was so sweet though hugging and kissing me while the nurse was taking my b/p. I think she thought I was getting a shot like she did yesterday. And then she was hugging and kissing the baby too. I just love my sweet little girl. And my sweet little BB too.