You love to hear stories of when you were a baby. It blows my mind that what feels like yesterday to me is so far back beyond the depths of your memory. You don't remember that you hated the stroller, screamed bloody murder in the car and pulled every book off the shelf every time I lined them back up. You don't remember your first smile, your first steps or singing "Mama's so pretty". These moments that have formed you and made you all that you are, have formed me as well. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. They are the most precious parts of me.The night before your birthday last week I read you the letter that I wrote to you the night before you were born. I read it to you every year. But this time, you hung on my every word as if you had never heard it before. At the end of the letter you had tears in your eyes. You are growing up and beginning to understand things that only big girls can. I've told you every single day for the last five years how much you mean to me. But it's a concept you haven't been able to grasp until now.
You are so loved. And you know it.
Still though, you fight for independence from me. You are caught up in the biggest tug of war with yourself. You can be so mean to me -- calling me Poopy Mommy, stomping your feet all over the house, sometimes even kicking me. You don't like me to stay at play dates with you, you wanted nothing to do with me at cousin Jaime's wedding a few weeks ago and you have already perfected the eye rolling " Mo-o-o-o-o-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"
Despite all of this, though, you love me fiercely. And I know it wholly and completely. I will never question that. Daddy and I will do our best to guide you to be a loving, compassionate and appreciative individual, but we also know that part of growing up is testing your boundaries. We trust your love, and we will love the hell out of you (literally) through it all.
Last night was the first time you slept in your big girl bed for the entire night. Yes, you are five. Yes, I'm a little embarrassed by this fact. But here's the truth. I didn't push you to give up the "cot habit" any sooner because I didn't mind it. Actually if I'm being completely honest, I kind of liked it. There is something so reassuring about looking over the side of my bed and watching you sleep. There is something so fulfilling about being needed in the middle of the night and knowing that offering you my hand will instantly bring you comfort. There is something so cozy about waking up every morning with my entire family sleeping in the same room. I will miss these things terribly.
I fully expected you to put up a fight. I expected sobbing and screaming and pleading and banging. But there was none of that. In fact it was your suggestion that we throw the cots away. Ha! We held an official family meeting and decided to give the cots to children who don't have beds. You liked that idea. You agreed. You were compliant. And then ta-da -- you followed through. Let me tell you, you shocked the bajeebies out of me.
You are not the two-year-old version of yourself that you used to be. You are growing up. And it's our job to let you.
I am so proud of you and the authentic self you are growing into -- a leader, a thinker, a doer. I don't really know how to sum up all that you are right now. But I know that you are always changing and growing and you will never quite be this 5-year-old version ever again. So I'll do my best...
5-year-old favorites -- friends, school, babysitters, Taylor Swift, dancing, singing, art, pink, riding bikes, running, swinging, swimming, hiking, getting dirty, dress-up, reading, learning, barbies, blocks, Electric Company, cooking, Chester
5-year-old dislikes -- cottage cheese, hair brushing, bugs, childwatch at the gym
5-year-old fears -- fire, bugs
I love you!
Mom
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