38 weeks

The update is there is no update. BB is still great. My cervix is still soft but pretty much closed. My midwife was not concerned about H1N1. I am feeling a little better today and I think it's just a slight cold. I talked to her about our mother-in-law predicament. Basically she has to have surgery the beginning of Nov (basically right around my EDD) and will not be able to help with Avery if BB decides to wait until then to arrive. My midwife mentioned the option of elective induction next week. I am REALLY torn on this. I have never been a big fan of elective inductions and can't even believe I am considering it. I am more of a let-mother-nature-do-its-thing kind of girl. The only other option we have for Avery is my brother & sister-in-law but they have 3 young kids of their own. Having my in-laws come here is definitely the best and least disruptive option for Avery. Doing what is best for her is my biggest priority. And knowing exactly when we'd be leaving for the hospital would make things a lot easier in that respect. But of course I want to do what's best for BB too. I don't like the idea of evicting him/her before it's really time. I don't like the idea of putting drugs into my body if it's not necessary. But I also know plenty of people who were induced and their babies turned out just fine. As for me, I think I would feel a little robbed about not going into labor on my own. I loved that part of it with Avery. Everything about it was so exciting. But I guess I had that experience with her. Maybe it's ok if I don't get it again? Like I said Avery & BB's needs are more important than my own this time around. I would still be able to labor in the tub and she said I'd still have a good chance of going naturally. MWs use pitocin differently than OBs. She said they use it much more gently and gradually so the chance of it leading to a c-section is less than if I were being induced by an OB. And of course I don't want mother-in-law to miss this. She is like the mother I never had and I love her dearly. I really WANT her to be a part of it and stay with us afterwards like she did with Avery. I'd hate for her to have to miss that and be dealing with the whole cancer scare instead. That would just suck for her. So as you can see I am really torn. We have to decide by Wednesday. Phil says he still needs more time to think about it but I think he would rather let nature take its course.

final boy name

We had a great time on our date although we feel lame that we were home by 8:00. Oh well. We're homebodies I guess.

Avery did great -- this is the FIRST time anyone has ever put her to bed besides myself or Phil or my mother-in-law. She cried for 10 minutes (not uncommon for her at all) and then rolled over and went to sleep. I'm so proud of all the progress she's made. And I really like/trust our babysitter. This was a HUGE step for us.

We had a really honest talk about names. In the end we both agreed that my maiden name is more appropriate as a middle name, not a first name. There are a lot of other reasons/associations/family issues and I do think this is the right decision. I'm glad we took the time to really talk it through. It was important.

And in our talk we both fell more in love with Tyler. The name means so much to Phil because of his friend Ty. I mean the guy died trying to save his wife's life -- can you get more noble than that? It means so much to me to give our son a name with such meaning.

I don't think Tyler Jacob flows quite as nicely but we aren't really planning on saying the first and middle name together all the time anyway. And in the end meaning is more important to me.

So after this very long explanation BB will probably turn out to be a girl! And FWIW I've been having somewhat painful contractions since dinner...

officially unattached!!

I can honestly say I think we fixed it. Phil is upstairs giving her a bath right now and she is nothing but laughs and squeals. There has been NO crying -- NONE -- in a few days now. If I had known it was going to be this easy I would have done it LONG ago. I'd say it took about a week -- there was A LOT of screaming the first few days but we didn't cave and I guess she finally learned that screaming about it was pointless.

I have now left her with the babysitter twice and she did great both times. Again, no crying. I also left her with my brother and sister-in-law (and her cousins of course) and she loved it and had a blast. This is like a HUGE weight off my chest. I will be able to spend time with BB without her and she will survive.

And the best part is that she seems all-around just happier lately. Listening to the two of them up there right now singing and laughing together while I sit down here and relax is seriously the most wonderful thing in the world.

37 weeks

Just got home from my 37-week appt. All is well. BB is head down and ready for action. My midwife did an internal and said I was better than a 0 but not quite a 1, whatever that means. I guess my cervix is ripe and soft and things have "started" but my inner cervix is not quite open yet. Part of me thinks that's just what they say so you're not disappointed about no progress. She said I could go into labor tonight or it could be a few more weeks. Lovely.

Anyway at the end of my appointment she said she's see me next week...or maybe she wouldn't. That gave me a little bit more hope. Sorry I don't have more to report!

ok, what am I forgetting?

*hospital bag, labor bag and Avery's bag are all half-packed with a list of last minute things to be added
*Avery's information list is printed and ready to give to MIL (yes I typed up 5 whole pages about her routine/meals/etc.)
*infant seat installed
*extra seat for Avery installed in SIL's car -- she will be getting Avery when I go into labor
*will be getting another extra seat to put in DH's car so IL's can get Avery from SIL's house and to/from the hospital
*bottles & pacis sterilized and ready to go
*gender-neutral clothes all washed and put away (will send Mom out to buy boy clothes if BB is a boy and will ask MIL to wash girl clothes if BB is a girl)
*bassinet set up in our room
*3 changing stations set up with diapers/wipes/etc. (nursery, PnP, our bedroom)
*swing set up just outside gate to the kitchen so Avery cannot attack
*bouncy seat set up inside PnP so Avery cannot attack
*other bouncy seat set up in our bathroom so I can shower
*still don't know where to put activity mat -- might just do tummy time when Avery is upstairs sleeping
*totally stocked on groceries & supplies -- even made a meatloaf and put it in the freezer for our first official meal with our family of 4
*stocked on pads/hemmoroid cream etc. for me
*double stroller ready to go in the garage -- still have to learn how to use it
*email list created
*Kerri's # in my phone so DH can text her asap and she can let all of you know

Am I missing anything??? I'm finally feeling READY!

I don't think I can do this -- totally overwhelmed

I don't even know where to begin. What the f&*&**& was I thinking?!?!? Unless having an infant and a 1-year-old is easier than being pregnant with a 1-year-old (which I'm almost positive it isn't) I am totally screwed. I am at my breaking point. I know there are other people out there who have had babies this close together and survived just fine. But they don't have an Avery.

I love my daughter more than anything. But let's be real. She is not like other babies. She is wild and crazy. I love her for it. I'm SO proud of her all the time. But she's CHALLENGING. She hates the car. She hates the stroller. She basically hates anything that keeps her in one place. And she barely naps. So basically she never gives me a break. I am either entertaining her or chasing her ALL DAY LONG. I just don't see how this is going to work with an infant. It is already not working now and BB isn't even here yet.

I just feel like I am not going to make it. I have no picture in my mind of how this is going to work. And I am absolutely SCARED TO DEATH. Thank you for letting me vent...again.

holy crap, I don't hear screaming!!

No, I HEAR LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phil is giving Avery a bath and this is the FIRST time she hasn't screamed the whole time. She did scream on the way up the stairs and for the first few minutes but the screams just stopped and out came the laughing. The two of them took a special trip to Target before dinner to pick out a special rubber ducky (it was a football one of course) and we all made a big deal of feeding, kissing and loving the ducky. We named it "ducky lovey". And I guess IT WORKED!!!

I'm so excited I think I might start crying!