So that he will stay a part of you forever...
Our Papa Bob. One of a kind. A man who exuded goodness. A man who taught his children -- his adored Lynnie and his best bud Stevie, as well as all of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren -- that the love you give in life is the love you get in return.
My daughter Avery came down the stairs on Friday and asked me to read her shirt which said, “Be Silly. Be Happy. Be Sweet. Be Kind.”
“That’s perfect,” she said. “I’m going to wear this for Papa Bob. Those are all the things that he was!”
I feel so grateful to have had this wonderful man through my entire life; so grateful that my children have had him as well. At my wedding, Papa Bob spoke from his heart and gave his blessing to me and Phil, as he did for Craig & Shannon, Jaime & Nate and hundreds of other couples. He took much pride and joy in asking each of us to recite our vows and make the most sacred of promises to one another.
In his remembrance and his honor, let us all now make some promises back to him. The motto on my daughter’s shirt will help define those vows.
1. Be Silly.
As some of you know Papa Bob had a little nickname amongst the grandchildren -- Skippy. As we grew up, “Papa Bob” was shortened to PB. PB became peanut butter. Peanut butter became Skippy. (As the man himself would say, “You follow me?” ) So the name stuck. It was a silly name with a silly backstory. But he loved it. And it fit him well.
Papa Bob was a man of few words. He didn’t need to be the center of attention. Still though, he was hilarious. His quick wit and random subtle sarcasm always made me laugh right out loud. When asked why he married Nannie, his answer was “because her mother insisted.” When asked why he stayed with her for 68 years he said “I was afraid of her mother.” And then followed that with “and she’s a good cook.”
Although straight-faced and serious, his eyes had that twinkle. They always did. We all know the depths of his love for Nannie went far beyond her brisket and kugel. It was infinite. She was the love of his life. And he was her “tateh”.
Recently he was in a little fender bender. When the officer asked him if he had been drinking he said, “Not since my bar-mitzvah.”
He always had that way of keeping things light-hearted, even in a serious moment; of making others crack a smile. It was one of his greatest gifts to all who knew him.
2. Be Happy.
It didn’t take much to make this man happy. Papa Bob found joy in the simple things -- hot dogs on the grill, a good hand of poker, a little head rub from his beloved Keri, a cup of scalding hot tea and his wife by his side. He didn’t have fame or fortune. He had his family. And that was everything.
Craig told me that last summer he walked into the beach house to find Papa Bob relaxing in his special chair, remote control in hand, just inches away from the tv. Everything seemed exactly the same as it had for the past 40 years...except that instead of golf on the tv, there was SpongeBob Squarepants. “Papa Bob,” he said, “did you know this isn’t golf?” “I know,” he said, “I couldn’t figure out how to work the remote.” He wasn’t frustrated or upset. He was happy with what he had. Even if it was just SpongeBob.
Last Monday I went to visit him bringing candies from the kids. I sat there with him and fed them to him one at a time. All he kept saying was, “mmmm...delicious, give me another,” with a look of pure contentment on his face. Even in his very final days, he was finding joy in the simple things. During my last moments with him, he was happy.
3. Be Sweet
Papa Bob was the sweetest man I’ve ever known. He was a true gentleman. He cared for all of us so deeply and had a way of making us feel protected and very very loved. He made sure each of us drove well under the speed limit and he never let anyone walk alone to their car.
During the summers at the beach, he always insisted that Craig and I not swim out too deep. Even after we joined the swim team and passed our lifeguard tests he did not relent -- even if we were just out to our shoulders. I can still picture him standing at the shore waving us back in.
When Jaime and I were in our mid to late 20’s, we decided one summer night to go out on the town in Nantasket. We promised to be home by 11. As we were walking down Nantasket Ave heading back to the beach house, we sensed a car creeping up behind us. The window rolled down to reveal Nannie in her nightgown and Papa Bob in his robe yelling “Get in!” It was not even10:00.
That was our Papa Bob. He wanted us close, he wanted us safe and he would have gone to the end of the earth to make sure we always were.
4. Be Kind
Papa Bob had a true golden heart and wished for goodness and happiness to all of those around him. He never missed a chance to cheer Keri on at one of her games, not out of love for the sport but out of love for her. Playing was the thing that made her happy, and that’s all he ever wanted for each of us.
Gift giving was always accompanied by another of his famous phrases “Use it in the best of health.” He meant it so sincerely. Like the first time he met my husband and gave him a shoe horn. He genuinely wanted Phil to experience joy and happiness from that shoe horn.
Mostly though, he wanted happiness for his Marilyn and always did everything in his power to bring her that. Even in his 80’s, when all he felt like doing on a summer’s day was to sit and watch his golf, he still marched down to the beach just because he knew it was what she wanted.
He spent his whole life loving her -- and loving all of us -- and doing it with extraordinary sweetness and kindness.
Their love story is like no other. His vows were his code of life. From the bottom of his golden heart, he loved her -- in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to death do they part.
And he will continue.
I asked Nannie the other day if she wanted to add anything to my eulogy. She immediately remembered the love letter she received from him 70 years ago while he was in the Navy. In the letter he said, “My love for you has no end...the beginning is lost forever.”
Papa Bob, let me now say this back to you. Our love for you has no end. You will live forever within all of our hearts.
We will be silly and think of you. We will be happy and remember your smile and that twinkle in your eye. We will be sweet and be kind to others and know that we learned it from a truly great man.
Rest in Peace Skippy. We love you.
