Dear Avery -- 6 months old!!

Dear Avery,

You are 6 months old today -- half-way to your first birthday!!!! I can't believe how much you keep growing and changing and learning every single day. You are eating real people food, waving bye-bye and getting up on your hands and knees and rocking back and forth. I think crawling might just be around the corner. You certainly want to GO!

You also get sweeter every day. Your cuddles still completely melt my heart and your beautiful little giggle is still my favorite thing in the whole wide world.

I'm sorry I haven't been writing to you much. You've been keeping me very busy. And very tired. You've been going through this phase lately (let's HOPE it's just a phase) where you want to start the day at 4:00am. Mommy and Daddy aren't as fond of this idea. And of course your little brother or sister growing inside of me is making me very tired too. 

But you and I have this good little thing going on these days. We nap together. People used to always tell me, "Nap when the baby naps" but I never really bought into it. I had too much to do -- laundry, cooking, cleaning, writing. Well all of that has now gone out the window. What's important is that you and I get our playtime together and that we get our beauty sleep. 

So every day around 2:00 we go upstairs, get under the covers of my big comfy bed and curl up together with a few of your toys. We play for a few minutes and then we drift off. I don't really know who falls asleep first. But sometimes we don't wake up until after 4:00. I open my eyes and there you are snuggled up in my arms with your rosy little cheeks, breathing quietly in and out and dreaming away. 

I love our naps together, Avery. And I can tell you love them too. It's such a special, special time for us -- all three of us. 

Love,

Mommy

Dear Avery -- 5 1/2 months old

Dear Avery,

I wish I could tell you I was big and brave and confident with this new life growing inside of me. I really thought I would be. I already have you. And the proof is in the pudding -- my bodycan in fact do this. 

And I wasn't planning for anything more just yet anyway. I already have you! I don't need anything more. So why am I such an anxious mess?

As it turns out, it isn't really about need at all. No, sweetheart, it's about love. I already love this new little life inside of me. I love it with all of my being. I love it like I love you. And to tell you the truth, I am scared to death of losing it.

I've experienced both sides of the coin. I've lost a life inside of me. And I've tasted the miracle that this tiny life could be. How can I not want that again?

One of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn is this one -- there are no guarantees. You can hope. You can want. You can plan. You can pray. But in the end, there are certain things you just can't control. Unfortunately the miracle of life is one of them. I guess that's what makes it a miracle, right? 

So yes, I am scared. I am anxious. I am worried. I am counting down the hours to my first ultrasound on Friday. But...I do believe in miracles. 

And you, sweet girl, are my reason why.

Love,

Mommy